Die ergste humanit?re krisis ter w?reld

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David Coltart

Volgens David Coltart, MDC-parlementslid, is die humanitêre krisis wat Zimbabwe tans beleef, die ergste ter wêreld. Dit word egter nog in ’n groot mate deur die internasionale gemeenskap geïgnoreer. Coltart het die Verenigde Nasies (VN) daarvan beskuldig dat hulle hul plig versaak deur oor die saak te swyg. “Dit is ’n absolute katastrofe,” het Coltart aan die Reuters-nuusagentskap gesê. “Nie net sterf mense elke dag nie, maar die ineenstorting van die ekonomie is besig om die streek te destabiliseer.“

Inflasie is tans sowat 6000%, werkloosheid word op 80% gereken en prysbeheermaatreëls het meegebring dat supermarkrakke leeg is. Selfs stapelvoedsel soos brood en mieliemeel is feitlik onverkrygbaar. “Wat ons nou nodig het, is ’n enorme hulpverleningspoging. Mugabe gebruik met opset voedsel as ’n wapen,” meen Coltart. ”Die probleem is dat dinge op die oppervlak kalm lyk – dit is in die hospitale en lykshuise waar jy egter die waarheid sien.”

Volgens hom word daar wel tans vordering gemaak in die gesprekke tussen die ZANU-PF-regering en die MDC, maar lê daar nog ’n lang pad voor. Daar moet eenstemmigheid oor ’n nuwe grondwet bereik word voor die presidensiële en parlementêre verkiesings in Maart aanstaande jaar plaasvind.

Hy het voorts ’n beroep op die strydende faksies binne sy party gedoen om hulle geskille by te lê en om die verkiesing verenigd aan te pak. “As ons die verkiesing as ’n verdeelde party aanpak, sal dit ’n geskenk wees vir ZANU-PF en ’n ramp vir Zimbabwe."

Intussen het sakeleiers Maandag gewaarsku dat beplande wetgewing wat die meerderheidsaandele van buitelandse firmas binnekort in die hande van swart Zimbabwiërs sal plaas, die land se ekonomiese probleme gaan vererger.  Daar word verwag dat buitelandse beleggings met ten minste 30% sal daal en dat ’n daling in die bruto binnelandse produk ook sal plaasvind

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‘Grahamstad moet waai’

Daar is tydens ’n Makana-raadsvergadering op 13 September besluit dat die naam Grahamstad “moet waai.” Burgemeester Phumelelo Kate het gister gesê die besluit is op geskiedkundige redes gebaseer. “Die gemeenskap moet weet dat die naam, ter ere van Graham, afgedwing is deur koloniste.“

President Thabo Mbeki het reeds by twee geleenthede kritiek op die naam Grahamstad uitgespreek. Hy het in die parlement daarop gewys dat die Britse offisier kolonel John Graham “’n slagter“ was. Volgens Kate sal raadslede binnekort elke wyk besoek om te hoor wat inwoners dink van die voorgestelde nuwe naam, iRhini. “Die inheemse mense moet nou hulle eie lotgevalle bepaal deur deel te neem aan ’n proses om op ’n nuwe naam vir hulle dorp te besluit,“ meen Kate.

Volgens Smilo Grootboom, ’n lid van die  Oos-Kaapse Geografiese Naamkomitee, is die komitee nie bewus van die besluit wat deur die Makana-munisipaliteit geneem is nie. Nadat ’n munisipale raad besluit het om ’n naam te verander, vereis die wet dat die betrokke munisipaliteit dan die plaaslike geografiese naamkomitee moet nader, wat die aansoek sal ondersoek om seker te maak dat wetlike aspekte nagekom is.

Indien die komitee tevrede is, word ’n aanbeveling oor die nuwe naam gemaak aan die provinsiale minister, wat dit dan voorlê aan die Suid-Afrikaanse Geografiese Naamkomitee, wat op hulle beurt die minister van kuns en kultuur oor sulke sake adviseer. Die minister het dan die reg om die nuwe naam in die staatskoerant bekend te maak.

Daar is tans 59 naamsveranderinge wat deur die Oos-Kaapse Geografiese Naamkomitee oorweeg word.

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‘Blue, orange and white’…

The Madiba Banqueting Halls in Potchefstroom were defaced sometime on Thursday, the Tlokwe City Council said on Saturday.

The defacement was discovered on Friday morning by workers at the building, said the council – the building had been defaced with the old apartheid flag colours of blue, orange and white.

"Those behind these acts of vandalism are people with a political agenda.

"There are people who are mobilising for a rent boycott in protest against the name changes," said the council.

The council condemned "racist graffiti" found across the city as "completely unacceptable.

They contained insults, political defiance, and attacks on black people, their leaders and government.

The council said they had lodged a complaint with the police and would be studying their CCTV cameras for more information about who was behind these acts.

The city’s new street names were being removed and dumped in the Vaal River.

Others had been defaced with black paint, said the council.

"One of the Nelson Mandela Drive street name-plates was painted with black paint to read "Dela rylaan".

"We are now convinced that those engaged in these acts of political vandalism are people with a clear political agenda," said the council.

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SA experts sound ebola alarm

Fear that infected travellers arrive in SA.

South Africa’s medical experts are alarmed by an outbreak of the deadly ebola virus in the Democratic Republic of Congo — fearing that infected travellers could spread the disease here.

This comes after World Health Organisation officials confirmed yesterday that five people had tested positive for the virus in the Congo.

Authorities have reported some “120 deaths among 300 sick people” over just the past four months, said its spokesman, Gregory Hartl.

Professor Robert Swanepoel, a consultant in the special pathogens unit at South Africa’s National Institute of Communicable Diseases, said while the fatal disease occurred mainly in the Congo, Nigeria and Sierra Leone, infected people are known to travel to South Africa and other parts of the world for medical treatment.

The World Health Organisation has now activated its global outbreak alert and response network , asking health organisations to send epidemiologists and other medical experts to the Congo.

Ebola, which causes death in 50percent to 90percent of cases, is transmitted by contact with the blood, secretions, organs or other bodily fluids of infected persons.

Symptoms begin with fever and muscle pain, followed by vomiting and diarrhoea.

Foreign affairs ministry spokesman Ronnie Mamoepa said: “ An ebola outbreak is an ongoing problem in the region. However, I am not aware of South Africa being asked to assist with any outbreak.”

Swanepoel said it was not uncommon for medical evacuation companies to transport infected patients to South Africa, as was the case recently when an doctor infected with ebola was brought into the country.

The doctor, from Nigeria, was treated at the Unitas Hospital, outside Pretoria.

Swanepoel said: “He obviously died as there is no cure for the disease. It is known that people come to South Africa for treatment.”

Three airlines — SAA, Hewa Bora Airlines and Kenya Airways — operate flights between Johannesburg and the Congo capital of Kinshasa.

SAA is the only carrier that flies direct between the two destinations, four days a week, while the other two carriers have stop-overs in Lumbumbashi and Nairobi respectively.

SAA said it had noted the reports of “a suspected haemorrhagic fever outbreak in a remote part of the Congo”.

SAA spokesperson Sarah Uys said if the situation worsened , passengers would be warned about a possible danger.

“But for now we don’t foresee problems,” she said.

Swanepoel said viruses such as ebola usually stem from war- torn areas, and regions where there was bad governance.

He said: “I can’t explain why this is, but this outbreak in the Congo is yet another in a long succession.”

Jaco Folmer, medical director of SAA-Netcare Travel Clinics, said the people most at risk were health workers in the affected areas.

In 1996, a nurse in Johannesburg was diagnosed with ebola haemorrhagic fever and a frantic search ensued to locate the source, a doctor in Gabon who had sought treatment for his illness in South Africa.

The nurse died, but the spread of the infection was prevented.

Folmer said the risk of contracting the virus was greater when travelling.

He said: “Infected people start bleeding from the nose and ears and [should be] kept in strict isolation.

“What is even scarier is that there are no tell-tale signs for the disease, so you can’t tell one infected person from another just by looking at them.”

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Farms seizure warning in SA

Farmers in South Africa have been warned that they could have their land taken from them unless they stop "abusive" policies towards workers.

Most highly productive farmland in South Africa is still in the hands of white farmers. While the government has enacted a "restitution" policy of handing plots to blacks under a willing buyer, willing seller system, critics have said progress has been too slow.

While the situation is far from that witnessed in neighbouring Zimbabwe, tensions have soared recently over alleged illegal lay-offs of workers and mistreatment by farm owners.

Lulu Xingwana, the agriculture and land affairs minister, said at the weekend that some farmers could face tough punishment.

"We are obviously disturbed by the persistent reports of abuses on farms," she said. "For those people who are not keeping [within] the law, the government has the right to expropriate."

Mrs Xingwana was reacting to claims on Wednesday by Dirk du Toit, her deputy minister, that white farmers had a lingering feudal attitude towards their staff.

In response to a question about farmers who lay off and evict workers unlawfully, Mr Du Toit told MPs: "Those people who don’t want to hear, we are not only going to take them to court, we are going to also take their land away from them."

The leading opposition party, the Democratic Alliance, called Mr Du Toit’s statement racist. "As a senior member of the ANC, he [is] insinuating that all of [white farmers] assault their farm workers," said Maans Nel, the party’s land affairs spokesman,.

The country’s largest farmers’ union, Agri SA, said it was not aware of any illegal farm evictions this year.

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Taalsnobisme lei tot die dood

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Jean Monnet-hospitaal

Taalsnobisme kan tot die dood lei. Dit is die afleiding wat die linkse dagblad, Libération, verlede week gemaak het nadat dit aan die lig gekom het dat honderde kankerpasiënte oor ‘n lang tydperk aan dodelike hoeveelhede bestraling blootgestel is in die Jean-Monnet-hospitaal in Epinal, Frankryk.

Gesondheidsminister Roselyne Bachelot het 4 500 pasiënte gevra om aan te meld by haar departement nadat 700 mense die verkeerde dosis bestraling ontvang het. Vyf mense is reeds oorlede as gevolg daarvan en honderde het ernstige inwendige skade opgedoen. Die fout het gekom omdat die personeel blykbaar nie die Engelse aanwysings behoorlik verstaan het nie en nie die moed gehad het om dit te erken nie.

Taalsnobs is toenemend ‘n probleem in die werkplek en die twee vernaamste vakbonde in Frankryk het hulself uitgespreek teen die gebruik van Engels omdat dit nie alleen diskriminerend is nie, maar ook onnodig. Taalkundiges soos Claude Hagège voel dat Engels heeltemal kontraproduktief is.

Die wet wat daarvoor sorg dat die Franse taal nie in amptelike kommunikasie en advertensies verdring word deur die "killer language", Engels, nie, heet die Toubon-wet. Dit is vernoem na die Franse minister Jacques Toubon, wat tussen 1993 en 1995 as kultuurminister gedien het. Die veelbesproke wet dateer van 1994. Daar word soms spottenderwys deur anglofiele na die eertydse minister verwys as "mnr. Allesgoed" omdat "tout bon" uit Frans vertaal "alles goed" beteken.

Twee onlangse hofsake wat in die guns van Frans beslis is danksy die wet, het tot gevolg gehad dat die taal in sekere omgewings ten minste weer in ere herstel is. ‘n Versekeringsmaatskappy, Europe Assistance, is deur die hof van Nanterre genoop om hul rekenaarprogrammatuur binne ‘n baie kort tydperk in Frans aan hul personeel beskikbaar te stel. ‘n Boete van 5 000 euro per dag is aan EA opgelê vir elke dag wat hulle laat is met die vertaling uit Engels na Frans.

Muriel Tardito van die CFTC-vakbond sê glimlaggend dat "almal skielik Frans geword het" ná die uitspraak. "Almal het opgelet na woordgebruik en interne dokumente het skielik vir werknemers verstaanbaar geraak." Voorheen het almal probeer om Engels te gebruik en die atmosfeer is bederf deur die "waansinnige aandrang." Uitdrukkings wat elkeen op die lippe gehad het om slimmer as ‘n kollega te probeer klink soos back up, asap en for your information word deesdae gelukkig nie meer gehoor nie.

EA het nie teen die uitspraak geappelleer nie. En met rede want in 2006 het die hof van Versailles die maatskappy General Electric Medical Systems ‘n boete van 580 000 euro opgelê omdat hul handleidings net in Engels beskikbaar was.

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Iraq bans US security firm

Iraq has cancelled the licence of the private security firm, Blackwater USA, after it was involved in a gunfight in which at least eight civilians died.

The Iraqi interior ministry said the contractor, based in North Carolina, was now banned from operating in Iraq.

The Blackwater workers, who were contracted by the US state department, apparently opened fire after coming under attack in Baghdad on Sunday.

Thousands of private security guards are employed in lawless Iraq.

They are often heavily armed, but critics say some are not properly trained and are not accountable except to their employers.

The interior ministry’s director of operations, Maj Gen Abdul Karim Khalaf, said authorities would prosecute any foreign contractors found to have used excessive force.

"We have opened a criminal investigation against the group who committed the crime," he told the AFP news agency.

All Blackwater personnel have been told to leave Iraq immediately, with the exception of the men involved in the incident on Sunday.

They will have to remain in the country and stand trial, the ministry said.

The convoy carrying officials from the US state department came under attack at about 1230 local time on Sunday as it passed through Nisoor Square in the predominantly Sunni neighbourhood of Mansour.

The Blackwater security guards "opened fire randomly at citizens" after mortars landed near their vehicles, killing eight people and wounding 13 others, interior ministry officials said.

Most of the dead and wounded were bystanders, the officials added. One of those killed was a policeman.

A spokeswoman for the US embassy in Baghdad later confirmed there had been an incident in which state department security personnel reacted to a car bomb "in the proximity", and that they had been shot at.

"We are taking it very seriously indeed," she told the BBC, adding that discussions were still taking place about Blackwater’s status now that they had been ordered to leave.

When asked if Blackwater was complying with the order, the spokeswoman said she could not comment because the investigation into the incident was still in progress.

A spokesman for the US Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice, said she wanted to ensure that everything was being done to avoid the loss of innocent life and to make sure this kind of incident never happened again.

She is also expected to telephone Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri Maliki to reassure him that the US had launched its own investigation.

Blackwater is reputed to have a contract worth $300m (£150m) with the state department to protect its diplomatic staff and equipment in Iraq.

The company, whose personnel have no combat immunity under international law if they engage in hostilities, has so far refused to comment on the shootings.

Sunday’s violence followed the publication of a survey of Iraqis which suggested that up to 1.2m people might have died because of the conflict in Iraq.

A UK-based polling agency, Opinion Research Business (ORB), said it had extrapolated the figure by asking a random sample of 1,461 Iraqi adults how many people living in their household had died as a result of the violence rather than from natural causes.

The results lend weight to a 2006 survey of Iraqi households published by the Lancet, which suggested that about 655,000 Iraqi deaths were "a consequence of the war".

However, these estimates are both far higher than the running total of reported civilian deaths maintained by the campaign group Iraq Body Count which puts the figure at between 71,000 and 78,000.

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Re-segregating schools

After white parents in this racially mixed city complained about school overcrowding, school authorities set out to draw up a sweeping rezoning plan. The results: all but a handful of the hundreds of students required to move this fall were black — and many were sent to virtually all-black, low-performing schools.

Black parents have been battling the rezoning for weeks, calling it resegregation. And in a new twist for an integration fight, they are wielding an unusual weapon: the federal No Child Left Behind law, which gives students in schools deemed failing the right to move to better ones.

“We’re talking about moving children from good schools into low-performing ones, and that’s illegal,” said Kendra Williams, a hospital receptionist, whose two children were rezoned. “And it’s all about race. It’s as clear as daylight.”

Tuscaloosa, where George Wallace once stood defiantly in the schoolhouse door to keep blacks out of the University of Alabama, also has had a volatile history in its public schools. Three decades of federal desegregation marked by busing and white flight ended in 2000. Though the city is 54 percent white, its school system is 75 percent black.

The schools superintendent and board president, both white, said in an interview that the rezoning, which redrew boundaries of school attendance zones, was a color-blind effort to reorganize the 10,000-student district around community schools and relieve overcrowding. By optimizing use of the city’s 19 school buildings, the district saved taxpayers millions, officials said. They also acknowledged another goal: to draw more whites back into Tuscaloosa’s schools by making them attractive to parents of 1,500 children attending private academies founded after court-ordered desegregation began.

“I’m sorry not everybody is on board with this,” said Joyce Levey, the superintendent. “But the issue in drawing up our plan was not race. It was how to use our buildings in the best possible way.” Dr. Levey said that all students forced by the rezoning to move from a high- to a lower-performing school were told of their right under the No Child law to request a transfer.

When the racially polarized, eight-member Board of Education approved the rezoning plan in May, however, its two black members voted against it. “All the issues we dealt with in the ’60s, we’re having to deal with again in 2007,” said Earnestine Tucker, one of the black members. “We’re back to separate but equal — but separate isn’t equal.”

For decades school districts across the nation used rezoning to restrict black students to some schools while channeling white students to others. Such plans became rare after civil rights lawsuits in the 1960s and ’70s successfully challenged their constitutionality, said William L. Taylor, chairman of the Citizens’ Commission on Civil Rights.

Tuscaloosa’s rezoning dispute, civil rights lawyers say, is one of the first in which the No Child Left Behind law has become central, sending the district into uncharted territory over whether a reassignment plan can trump the law’s prohibition on moving students into low-performing schools. A spokesman, Chad Colby, said the federal Education Department would not comment.

Tuscaloosa is not the only community where black parents are using the law to seek more integrated, academically successful schools for their children.

In Greensboro, N.C., students in failing black schools have transferred in considerable numbers to higher-performing, majority-white schools, school officials there said. A 2004 study by the Citizens’ Commission on Civil Rights documented cases in Florida, Indiana, Tennessee and Virginia where parents were moving their children into less-segregated schools.

Nationally, less than 2 percent of eligible students have taken advantage of the law’s transfer provisions. Tuscaloosa, with 83,000 residents, is an hour’s drive west of Birmingham. During court-ordered desegregation its schools roughly reflected the school system’s racial makeup, and there were no all-black schools.

But in recent years the board has carved the district into three zones, each with a new high school. One cluster of schools lies in the east of the city; its high school is 73 percent black.

Another cluster on Tuscaloosa’s gritty west side now amounts to an all-black minidistrict; its five schools have 2,330 students, and only 19 are white. Its high school is 99 percent black.

 In contrast, a cluster of schools that draw white students from an affluent enclave of mansions and lake homes in the north, as well as some blacks bused into the area, now includes two majority-white elementary schools. Its high school, Northridge, is 56 percent black.

The rezoning plan will force an estimated 880 students in Tuscaloosa to change their schools.

At a meeting in February 2005, scores of parents from the two majority white elementary schools complained of overcrowding and discipline problems in the middle school their children were sent to outside of the northern enclave.

Ms. Tucker said she, another board member and a teacher were the only blacks present. The white parents clamored for a new middle school closer to their homes. They also urged Dr. Levey to consider sending some students being bused into northern cluster schools back to their own neighborhood, Ms. Tucker said. Dr. Levey did not dispute the broad outlines of Ms. Tucker’s account.

“That was the origin of this whole rezoning,” Ms. Tucker said.

Months later, the school board commissioned a demographic study to draft the rezoning plan. J. Russell Gibson III, the board’s lawyer, said the plan drawn up used school buildings more efficiently, freeing classroom space equivalent to an entire elementary school and saving potential construction costs of $10 million to $14 million. “That’s a significant savings,” Mr. Gibson said, “and we relieved overcrowding and placed most students in a school near their home. That’s been lost in all the rhetoric.”

Others see the matter differently. Gerald Rosiek, an education professor at the University of Alabama, studied the Tuscaloosa school district’s recent evolution. “This is a case study in resegregation,” said Dr. Rosiek, now at the University of Oregon.

In his research, he said, he found disappointment among some white parents that Northridge, the high school created in the northern enclave, was a majority-black school, and he said he believed the rezoning was in part an attempt to reduce its black enrollment.

The district projected last spring that the plan would move some 880 students citywide, and Dr. Levey said that remained the best estimate available. The plan redrew school boundaries in ways that, among other changes, required students from black neighborhoods and from a low-income housing project who had been attending the more-integrated schools in the northern zone to leave them for nearly all-black schools in the west end.

Tuscaloosa’s school board approved the rezoning at a May 3 meeting, at which several white parents spoke out for the plan. One parent, Kim Ingram, said, “I’m not one who looks to resegregate the schools,” but described what she called a crisis in overcrowding, and said the rezoning would alleviate it. In an interview this month, Ms. Ingram said the middle school attended by her twin seventh-grade girls has been “bursting at the seams,” with student movement difficult in hallways, the cafeteria and locker rooms.

Voting against the rezoning were the board’s two black members and a white ally.

Dan Meissner, the board president, said in an interview this month that any rezoning would make people unhappy. “This has involved minimal disruption for a school system that has 10,000 students,” he said.

But black students and parents say the plan has proven disruptive for them.

Telissa Graham, 17, was a sophomore last year at Northridge High. She learned of the plan last May by reading a notice on her school’s bulletin board listing her name along with about 70 other students required to move. “They said Northridge was too crowded,” Telissa said. “But I think they just wanted to separate some of the blacks and Hispanics from the whites.”

Parents looking for recourse turned to the No Child Left Behind law. Its testing requirements have enabled parents to distinguish good schools from bad. And other provisions give students stuck in troubled schools the right to transfer. In a protest at an elementary school after school opened last month, about 60 black relatives and supporters of rezoned children repeatedly cited the law. Much of the raucous meeting was broadcast live by a black-run radio station.

Some black parents wrote to the Alabama superintendent of education, Joseph Morton, arguing that the rezoning violated the federal law. Mr. Morton disagreed, noting that Tuscaloosa was offering students who were moved to low-performing schools the right to transfer into better schools. That, he said, had kept it within the law.

Dr. Levey said about 180 students requested a transfer.

Telissa was one of them. She expects to return this week to Northridge, but says moving from one high school to another and back again has disrupted her fall.

One of Telissa’s brothers has also been rezoned to a virtually all-black, low-performing school. Her mother, Etta Nolan, has been trying to get him a transfer, too.

“I’m fed up,” Ms. Nolan said. “They’re just shuffling us and shuffling us.”

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VF+ verstom oor Xingwana se onverantwoordelikheid

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Lulu Xingwana

Al meer twyfel begin in landbougeledere ontstaan oor die toerekeningsvatbaarheid van die minister van Landbou, me. Lulu Xingwana.

Die VF Plus se woordvoerder oor Landbou en Grondsake, mnr. Werner Weber, het in reaksie gesê haar stelling, volgens mediaberigte, dat daar sedert 1985 agt miljoen mense van plase afgesit is, is so verregaande dat gepaste kommentaar daarop uiters problematies geword het. “Indien me. Xingwana se syfers korrek was, sou elke enkele boer in Suid-Afrika meer as 130 werkers van hulle plase moes afgesit het. Gemiddeld was daar nooit meer as 20 werkers op tipiese Suid-Afrikaanse plase nie. Daar was selfs in die hoogtepunt-jare van Suid-Afrikaanse landbou nooit meer as 2 miljoen werkers op Suid-Afrikaanse plase nie. Xingwana se syfers is dus net so buitensporig soos die res van haar aansprake”, het Weber gesê.

Haar en haar adjunkminister se verdere dreigement dat boereplase onteien gaan word as mense van plase afgesit word, bring ‘n heel nuwe dimensie in ons regstelsel na vore.

“Die Minister, gesteun deur haar adjunkminister, adv. Dirk du Toit, wil arbitrêr regter speel en buitensporige straf toemeet in gevalle van beweerde plaas-afsettings. Ons moet onthou, hierdie mense sit in die kabinet van ‘n hoogs ontwikkelde staat. Ek staan verstom oor die onverantwoordelikheid van hulle optrede”, het mnr. Weber gesê.

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Communist in the spotlight

The head of the Communist Party was found to have been watching porn at a Ukrainian sanatorium.

While one powers his way through the waters of the Caspian, slaying Russia’s marine resources with a single blow of his spear, the other lolls in a jacuzzi sprinkled with rose petals, his attention equally divided between a porn channel and a lissome brunette.

That was the picture painted by the Zhizn tabloid on Wednesday as it compared the lotus-eating lifestyle of Communist Party leader Gennady Zyuganov with the manly pursuits of the country’s head boy, Vladimir Putin.

The swines at Zhizn got hold of Zyuganov’s hotel bill after he stayed at a "foreign sanatorium" whose mud baths he is unlikely to patronize again. Although Zhizn’s subhead makes much of the party leader’s treachery in going abroad on vacation, the word "sanatorium" and the fact that the bill is in Russian give the game away — Zyuganov just nipped across the border to Ukraine. Though he did stay in the presidential suite, the nerve of him.

    
Zhizn writes that Zyuganov paid $800 per night to stay in the suite and also left a tip of $50 in the restaurant, which the tabloid emphasizes is "half the pension of the average Russian pensioner."

But the main attack is on Zyuganov’s sexual proclivities. The tabloid helpfully blows up the part of the bill that indicates he paid 700 hryvnas (presumably — the currency isn’t given) for a cable channel called Sex View TV. And it juxtaposes this with a photo of Zyuganov with a girl in shorts and a sleeveless top. He has his arm around her shoulders, although their awkward stance doesn’t exactly scream that they engaged in illicit activities on the presidential king-size bed.

Zhizn also prints a picture of the suite’s jacuzzi, which looks onto the Black Sea and has rose petals scattered round it. Presumably, they were red for this would-be communist president. But it doesn’t give any concrete evidence, and the bill doesn’t indicate double occupation of the suite.

Personally, I doubt that a man who voluntarily goes on vacation to a sanatorium and also — according to the bill published by the tabloid — pays for a 5-day "medical tour" called Diagnosis and Relaxation, would know wild vice if it hit him on the head. With their stern staff, terrifying treatments and compulsory diet of meat and potatoes, sanatoriums would be a strange choice for a dirty weekend, unless it’s mud baths you’re after.

Meanwhile, Putin has taken up a far more wholesome hobby than flicking through porn channels, the tabloid points out on Page 2. The article, which is yet another excuse to roll out the topless Putin-as-Rambo photos, quotes "sources in the presidential administration" as saying that Putin has taken up diving and underwater spear-fishing.

Putin began diving seriously in the Seychelles this year, Zhizn’s sources reveal. And doubtless, he found a nice budget hotel with absolutely no porn channels on offer. It quotes some unidentified British zoologists as saying that the area around an island called Praslin was cordoned off so Putin could do his stuff without some crazed scientist or maverick spear-fisher mistaking him for a prawn.

The best part of the article is a piece of purple prose about why Putin prefers spear-fishing to idly admiring marine life with a snorkel. "Obviously, aimless underwater swimming and looking at the beauties of seas and oceans don’t tempt the Russian leader," it gushes.

Apparently Putin’s new hobby has encouraged him to support the building of new diving centers in Sochi and the Far East, the paper writes, quoting those presidential administration sources again. And one of the presidential candidates, Sergei Ivanov, has quite coincidentally also developed an enthusiasm for the sport, Zhizn writes.

"In order to dive, admire the sea, nature, sea urchins and crabs, you don’t need to go to Egypt," the paper quotes Ivanov waxing lyrically. "You can go to the Far East [of Russia]." Or indeed, to the Seychelles. But give Ukraine a wide berth. There be Zhizn reporters.

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