The lack of dependable electricity is neither a problem nor a crisis, as the enemies of the national democratic revolution would have it. On the contrary, it presents our people with many opportunities for progress towards a true African state. Because of this, we should not
speak of power interruptions or blackouts. The lack of electricity will, in future, officially be known as power opportunities.
Learners and students, for example, will benefit from power opportunities. Because the nights will be dark, and educational institutions will be without power during the day, preventing any real academic progress, we are pleased to announce a new educational policy. Henceforth, all previously disadvantaged students and learners will be automatically given matriculation certificates with as many distinctions as they desire. Students will be given the degrees of
their choice, if they can prove that they had the intention to attend lectures, but were prevented from doing so by power opportunities. Written proof of intention to attend lectures can be emailed to us at: incompetence@darkness.gov.za.
The above does not apply to previously advantaged learners and students, of course, because their parents exploited the indigenous people in the past and can as a result afford generators and backup power supplies. This causes the unacceptable situation whereby untransformed learners are unfairly assisted by racist teachers and do much better academically than indigenous learners. Therefore we have appointed a task team from Harvard University with a view to institute affirmative action handicaps for white learners. The ministry of education intends including postgraduate subjects from the Harvard particle physics curriculum in the Grade 1 syllabus for white learners, so that they too can experience the difficulties black learners face in passing each grade.
Previously disadvantaged workers are another group that will benefit from power opportunities. White capitalists are exploiting the working class by expecting them to make up for lost production time by working additional hours. This practice will cease immediately. New labour laws are being drafted which will force capitalist exploiters to not only pay workers double their normal rate during power opportunities, but also to give them extra leave equivalent to the duration of the power opportunities.
The biggest beneficiaries of power opportunities will however be the forces of liberation of untransformed property, those who roam the countryside and suburbs in the darkness searching for ways to complete our revolution. It is a well-known fact that the availability of electricity hinders the liberation of property. Electric fences, security lights and alarm systems are all obstacles in the way of true liberation. Power opportunities will provide our party’s supporters with ample time to nationalize and transform property that belongs to the white oppressor class.
In view of their immense contribution to our revolution, our comrades the top management of Eskom will receive additional incentives to keep up the good work. We will be approaching the World Bank for a loan in order to pay Eskom’s management and officials in my ministry
productivity bonuses totalling seventeen billion US dollars. Due to my success in Africanizing the provision of electricity, I have thought it fitting and proper to reward myself with a 100-meter ocean-going yacht.
Viva our glorious revolution and progress towards true African darkness!
Signed:
Bulimia Sanscompetencia